Mama, 

Again it’s been a long time since I have written to you but you are in my heart every day. You know it is a very busy place up here. And well, the big guy he says I am his right hand in the animal kingdom. It’s a big responsibility like I had in your earth world being the helper and the healer. Here I am the big guys helper. Good thing he has me he could never keep up. Actually, things have slowed a bit here for me.

I have three helpers now. I know that you know Tanker always helped, we are quite a team. Two striking guys, so handsome, if I do say so myself. And when Britta crossed the bridge it really helped us a lot. Well that is after she got used to the fact that ears can hear. That was the best ever. She loves to sit and listen to the angels sing. So for a time we just let her. So peaceful…

So the three of us helped them cross for nearly a year, each of them over and over. Then as you remember… There was a joyous day when Lexy came across the bridge. Sweet Lexy, my sister, your old soul… like me. We are quite a team here. You would be so very proud. I, the big guys right hand in the animal kingdom and Lexy my right paw. Really Mama I know you miss us dearly but we need to be here. I often think about the sadness that overwhelmed you when we left your earth world.

You know up here everything is perfect, everything.  But Lexy and I we could feel your pain when we crossed over. In spite of all of the perfect. You said it was that trust thing. We always had each others back. Like the Police man and his working dog. Some people just don’t get it. When you have a working dog it’s often a bigger loss that you can stand as a human, they cross the beautiful bridge and you are glad they are no longer in pain, but your own pain is nearly bigger than you can stand.

I think for you part of it was that Doc Don tried so hard to save me and Doc Jim tried equally as hard to save Lexy. But just like rescue dogs, we go where we are supposed to. The other part that was so terribly hard was that we were so many things to each other. We had your back, that trust, that love. For you it was losing a confidant, a friend, a child, a co-worker and half of your entire self. So hard…

So when Lexy came I shared my worry blanket with her. Like I said it’s perfect here. But you became so sad when I left and then Lexy left that the big guy he gave me a dark soft cloud to sit on. We sat on the dark cloud, our worry blanket, on a hill under a large maple. When things were the worst for you the cloud came and I curled up with Lexy in the middle of our worry blanket and we cried tears of rain for you. And finally the big guy said its time… and he started to work on fixing things.  

When I left you remember the big guy and I we sent Traveler. You needed each other so much. Both of you broken, nearly beyond repair. Together you healed. And it was joyous. Lexy loves Traveler. He is so cool. Well not as cool as me but cool, you know in his own kind of coolness.

Then Lexy… well she needed to cross the bridge. She was so painful. I know you understood. You loved us so, you would never wish us stay. Never. She and I we danced like no one has every danced here before. It was splendid. Two white stars dancing in the night. Weeks went by and we watched over you. We never though the worry blanket would have to come out. But it did. And it rained tears on you once again for a long time. I hope the worry blanket goes away and never has to come back. But Mama you are so connected to us, we are your people.

You tried your best to make things better by yourself, Dad worried. You tried, Dad worried for days. Soon a little white boxer pup was born and you thought she might help. So you visited her and hugged her. She nearly came home. You know we have always been snow white. All of your white angel boxers. Libby, me, Lexy,  Britta and Traveler. Always white…

But the big guy knew you could not do this yourself. So once again like with Traveler he stepped in. The worry blanket went back in the big oak trunk. And she came. At first I thought he had made a huge mistake. She lived with a very nice man. He called her Blessing, and she was that… a blessing. He was young and busy and he could not keep his little Blessing. So once again a dog child would come to you from Boxer Haven Rescue… a blessing.

Ronda called you, she said I have your puppy. This puppy could have gone to a hundred different people but she came for you. Come meet her. It was so hard for you, you were to be quite honest, a mess. So much a mess you said to Traveler. I can’t make a decision. We will go and see her and you chose. I trust you. And so it began that circle of trust.

I told Traveler, take her home buddy. She will think you are so cool. Really there is nothing like being the big brother. Traveler met her and in spite of the fact that he thought I played a joke on him he said. Mama she can be my creepy little sister. And your Journey began. And you said to her, Life’s Journey is a Blessing. You will be my Journey puppy. And she and Traveler began to make you whole. For Lexy and I had worked so hard to help you. And joy came again.

I know you thought it strange that Traveler, Lexy, and I sent you the wrong color puppy.  Really you said, a red and black brindle puppy and with a tail. Oh, Mama I love her tail, we have them here you know. They are really quite wonderful. Traveler’s tail is in a box waiting for him. But it will have to wait a while, he’s staying with you for now. But your Journey pup her tail came early. That is to let you know she is going to be someone special, a helper and a healer. It will take time but I promise it will come. 

And her color, I know that still confuses  you so tonight when she cuddles up by you look closely. Each stripe, each black mark of color… they are your story. Your life with all of us who you love so dearly. Those wavy brindle lines that make her coat so beautiful are your people, human and canine. All of the stories of your life. And the darkest, blackest lines, they are your pain, when it was nearly unbearable. Do you notice how few of them there are compared to the light wild happy moving lines of color. Those colorful lines are all of us and those that we helped. So in the end your Journey was worth it.

 I see it all Mama, your Journey, your tears and your joy. Because Mama from here I can see a far, far ways.

Hugs, Riley and Lexy too.

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